The one job that just completely has me baffled and thrown for a loop... is motherhood! I just don't get it! It drives me insane! Notice the word printed on the wine glass pictured above? "Queen"... Does that refer to me or to my daughter? I'm really not so sure sometimes. Ok let me back track. I am a mom of 4.Three are my beautiful step-kids.. I hate that word btw. STEP! Thanks to Cinderella it makes me, as well as the children I didn't physically give birth to, sound evil, and I'd like to invent a new one. Anyway, our 2 oldest girls are almost 21, and 22 and our only boy, poor him, is 17. He has lived with me since he is 11. But he is pretty simple in comparison to the one child I actually did give birth to. Miss Lexi, age 12.. going on 26. You would think I would have learned from the older girls.. well I did, but what I learned is that no 2 children can be dealt with the same and you need to keep making it up as you go along and do the best you can. I do consider that to be a fact btw. But that lesson does not really help me in the here and now does it? Nope!! Unfortunately, even though I do what I do, this job did not allow me the privilege of having a child who was born with instructions. I am in the same boat you are. I know I will continue to learn a lot but as I am going through it, I am questioning my sanity every step of the way lol.
Anywho... this child. Omg this child. How is it possible to love someone so deeply and completely and be driven so totally insane by them, and still love them anyway and even more, even after they have held you victim to their pre-teen female tactics? Wait, are you expecting an answer there? Cuz I don't have one... I'm asking you lol... You think that when you are growing a human inside you, that you will have all the answers. Yea well, that's just another pipe dream we all think until we are actually going through the process. Oy! Because from the outside looking in, it looks so simple but holy cow it's really not. It's a constant tug of war between what you think is right and what your heart feels when you look at that face you've created. And which point of view is actually the correct one is beyond me to be able to dictate. But here is what I do know, I'll try to keep it simple. And they are in no specific order.
- Always tell your child they are beautiful on the inside and out.
- Always listen to what they have to say.
- Always go with your gut instinct. God gave you an ability to be able to hear Him. Use it.
- Never be stuck on one solution to an issue. The same rule doesn't always apply twice. Re-invent as necessary based on your inner guidance.
- Don't be afraid of them telling you they hate you. It means you are doing your job. Keep going.
- Relax, take care of yourself so you can keep going, and have a glass of vino. I mean, they say red wine has medicinal benefits so we may as well indulge here and there right lol. No one is going to judge you. And if they do, that's their problem... keep it movin'. We all need to let loose a little.
- Sometimes they just need a hug, and so do you.
- Stand your ground. Don't let them play you for a fool. You have been there and done that already and if you haven't, one of your friends has so get the scoop from them if you have to.
- Screaming is never effective in any situation, however, sometimes it feels really good to let out all that pent up energy lol. So when you do scream and yell, just make sure you apologize for your poor behavior so they understand you aren't exempt from that rule of acting properly. Do your best to set the proper example.
- Make sure you tell them you love them every day, 20,000 times a day. Embed that piece of info in their heads. It's your only hope that someday when they are done with their monstrous teenage years, and you are officially brittle and white haired, they will turn into real productive members of society. I do know for a fact that love makes all the difference in the world. I know that from being a teenage girl myself once and having a mom who thought the world of me and wasn't afraid to show it.
- And this is just my opinion, let your child know who you are. Don't walk around high and mighty all the time. Let them know you are human, let them know you have flaws, let them know you are just trying your best. Don't be afraid to take off the superman costume. I think it humanizes us in the end. I think they need to know what real life is when they reach a certain age. I think they need to understand you are only human and doing the best you can at the time. Some might think this can blur the thin lines of respect and I can see how that could be true, but I still say to keep finding the happy medium. I personally think it's important for them to know you are just an older version of them trying the best you can to mold them into future adults.
- One last thing, never give up!
My daughter is the only person in the world I would give my beating heart to, no questions asked. Yet sometimes I am completely clueless and have no idea what I am doing. I feel my way through everything and I pray it is enough. I worry often I am failing her, but I know that fear and that negative emotion doesn't serve me so I try not to go there often. I think this 12 year old child has all the tools to take her place in this world someday and be a force to be reckoned with. I believe my child is capable of absolutely anything. And even though she doesn't agree, I will continue to fill her head with that knowledge every chance I get. Parenting these days is not easy. We have friends, social media and the influences of school, which I don't think is always 100% positive, in our way of doing what we want to do in our hearts. It surely is not like parenting in the 50's and 60's. We have way too much competition and sometimes other ways seem more fun for our kids. Traditional values and respect are somehow getting lost and it puts the parents who are still trying to instill them in the minority group through the eyes of our children.
So, at the end of the day I do what I do best, I love. And I pray it is enough and I pray for God to do the things I can not. I am not the perfect parent. I am flawed in many ways. But I love hard and I want the best for all my kids. I do the best I can with the hands I've been dealt and I pray on the rest. And sometimes I get angry and sometimes I even say the wrong thing or act the wrong way, but I am learning just like they are and just like all of you are. Good luck and God Speed to all you Moms (and Dads) out there. I give you all the respect in the world and just know I am walking this journey right beside you.
Always all my love, light and blessings...
P.S. Lexi, should this blog ever make its way to your twitter or whatever other social media site you end up on, please know how much mommy loves you. You are my everything and everything I write is really a diary for you to stumble upon when you are older so you can truly understand who your mom is and what I stand for in life. Once upon a time you used to say you wanted to be just like me, and my hope is that someday you will learn from all my mistakes and be better than me. Actually, I believe you already are. My life would not be complete without you and I would not be who I am today if you did not exist. You are what keeps me on my toes and are undoubtedly perfect in every way and as much as we sometimes do not see eye to eye, you are exactly who you are meant to be and do not let anyone ever tell you different... not even me <3