Step 1: Be Ready and Willing to Make Some Changes! Just like with anything else, if you aren't actually ready to change something then not much is going to happen until you are. It's like quitting smoking or losing weight or whatever else you want to equate it to. You have to be ready. This is a journey of retraining your brain and this kind of journey doesn't happen overnight. Just like with anything else, you get out of it what you put in to it. And if you aren't quite ready yet, that's ok. You will get there all by yourself. No one can force you. And trust me, you will be ready. The light bulb will go off. And the good news is, when you are ready, you already have a vast amount of information at your fingertips.
Step 2: Accept Responsibility For Yourself! What I mean by this is, we all love to play the blame game and we all love to say, "Oh when this happens then I'll do that!" But here's the thing, there will always be something in your way. There will always be a reason to procrastinate. There will always be a person who wrongs you and makes you feel a certain way. And yes, maybe that person does need to do some changing for themselves but you are not in control of that person's journey. You are in control of yours. This is not about anyone else other than yourself. And sometimes we need to change the way we handle things and the way we react to things in order for those around us to make their changes. Set the example. And hey, even if they don't, you will be handling your situations so much easier and then you can follow your course accordingly. It's so important you come to this realization. It's all about you right now :)
Step 3: It's Time to Self-Evaluate! Once you have accepted steps 1 & 2, now you need to do one of the hardest parts. You need to be honest with yourself and figure out what your flaws are and what you are interested in changing. It's a quite empowering experience when you not only know what you need to improve, but knowing that no one can ever make you feel bad about it again because you are already aware and have accepted internal responsibility for it. None of us are perfect. We are all perfectly flawed. And that's ok. Because we are exactly who God, or whatever Higher Power you pray to, has meant for us to be at this exact point in time. So try not to look at this as a nitty gritty grimy process. Look at it as EMPOWERMENT! When you have called yourself out on all the things that need tweaking, you have just gained back your power! So be honest with yourself. It's only you that you are speaking to. No one else ever needs to know unless you make it their business to know. This is a private conversation between you and your soul. I would like to make a suggestion though. This process can be very emotional, I know because I did it. Have tissues handy at all times. And, I suggest making a list of all the things you would like to change about yourself in one column and all the things that you absolutely LOVE or like about yourself in a column right next to it. This process isn't meant to tear you down and leave you down. It's meant to help you take an honest look at the areas of yourself that you would like to overcome or enhance. You need the second column! You need to see all your beauty! You need to see how amazing you already are!! And please, omg please... be brutally honest with yourself about your beautiful qualities. Don't be afraid to say, "I love this about myself!" That phrase alone is empowering and can set you free in so many ways.
Step 4: Practice Self-Love! Ok so you got yourself ready, you took responsibility, you looked in the mirror, now I want you to move one step further.... I want you to LOVE EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY PART OF YOURSELF EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!! Again, we are all flawed and that does not mean in any way shape or form that we are undeserving of loving ourselves! Are you kidding me? If there are people putting you down, I promise you they have a whole set of their own "stuff" going on that they are just projecting on to you!!! You are amazing exactly the way you are and I don't want you to sit there for one second further believing that you need to improve to be worthy in any type of way!!!!! I want you to get up and go into a room with a mirror that you can be alone in and I want you to look yourself in the eyes and say, "I LOVE YOU!" Look, even if you don't mean it right now, it's ok. Did you ever hear the phrase, "Fake it till you make it?" Yea, well, that applies here! You will learn. No one in this world will ever love you the way you love yourself. And when the people that do already love you see that change in you, when they see that you are actually loving yourself, they will love and respect you that much more. When you walk around with your head held high and all the love in the world for yourself.... I don't know what else to say about that except there is not a more amazing feeling in this world. Love doesn't need to come from the outside to complete us. You can have the most amazing partner on the planet but if you are lacking self love you will never feel complete. Please do this! Please do not skip this step. I think it's impossible for the rest of this journey to come together for you if you can't find a place in your heart for yourself. You really do deserve to be there!
Step 5: Know You Are Unique And Have Something Amazing To Offer! Allow me to be clear. Know with certainty that you have something unique and amazing to offer this world! This world is an eclectic combination of all these great minds and people that share their uniqueness with the universe! This is what makes our world so fascinating. This is in part how we learn. Because someone's brain thought of something and put it out there for someone else to pick up and use in their daily life. The world needs you!!! We are in the day an age of self improvement and expanding our horizons and reaching new levels of consciousness. And there is no possible way that could ever begin to happen if everyone just kept their mouths shut and kept it movin'. Everyone is wired differently and we all take to different things. The words I speak may not resonate with you but someone else's words may. That's why we always have to put ourselves out there and continue to pay it forward. In the end, we are all supposed to share the love. Love others the way God loves us. Forgive others the way He has forgiven us. It's our duty. So, know you are amazing and unique in your own special way and you have every right to share it with the world. And I don't mean start a blog and put your every thought out into the universe like me lol. This is just what I feel I was called to do for this point in time. Just by you living your life as you, the real you, and not some made up version, or what you think everyone expects you to be, you are shining your authentic light into this world. We are all connected. How you impact someone gets passed down and carried out through the ages. We all affect one another in some way. When you finally know with certainty that you have a place in this world and have something extraordinary to offer it, negativity really does start to fade away. It revitalizes your purpose and can even give you purpose if you feel you didn't have one before.
Step 6: Understand That Everything Happens For A Reason And Everything Exists For A Reason! Ok I'm sure you have heard the term by now, "Everything Happens For a Reason"... But I want to take that one step further and say that everyTHING exists for a reason as well. Absolutely everything and everyone has its purpose on this Earth. Some things merely exist in our lives to teach us lessons. And sometimes of course, there is more to it. But you have to know there's a divine placement for everything. And that includes us and our characteristics and the way we are. Sometimes you cannot truly appreciate the value of something unless you didn't have it to begin with. So many of us ask questions like, why did God have to make me this way? Why couldn't I have just been born the way I was supposed to be? Reality is though, you were. So much is taken for granted unfortunately and sometimes we have to really work on attaining something before we can sincerely value its worth and use it to its fullest capacity. Would you really and truly appreciate your new found state of mind if it was just handed to you on a silver platter? Probably not, unfortunately. It's human nature. So appreciate everyone in your life, everything in your life and everything about yourself and understand that it has been set up this way to teach you valuable lessons. When you can start to extract the lessons out of the issues, life becomes so much more bearable AND pleasurable!
Step 7: Do Something You Truly Enjoy! What makes you tick? What brings you peace? Joy? Fulfillment? Satisfaction? What is something you would like to do that would enable you to better enjoy your life? It doesn't need to be a full on career change, although we will talk about that later. It can be a hobby. Or, just anything that makes you feel positive. OR something that you would like to do, something that's been calling your name and you know it would be great for you but you have found every excuse known to man to not make it happen. Think about it. What is it? Do you like to write? Take pictures? Play an instrument? Exercise? Read? Meditate? Yoga? Taking a class? Painting? Going for a walk around the block or even just taking a bubble bath? There is always something that brings us a sense of peace. We were not put on this Earth to be miserable yet so many insist that there just isn't any time for anything pleasurable. And I have to say something about that. There will never be time unless you make the time! It's important you are priority on your to-do list. You need to be. If you spend every day doing only the things you absolutely have to do in life, it is just way too easy to allow yourself to be miserable. And you don't deserve that. Look, I know that sometimes the role we are playing in our current situations sincerely does call for your entire day. But there is always 5 minutes. Even if that's all you have. Figure out what you can do in 5 minutes that will bring you the most remote sense of joy. Even if it's spending 5 minutes alone in peace. When we are constantly surrounded by people its literally exhausting and it makes it that much harder to find those moments for yourself. But you have to make it happen. It will change your entire outlook on just about everything. It is not possible to get to the next step in our lives if we don't have at least a few minutes alone with our mind to find some clarity or just take a breath of fresh air that you don't have to share with anyone else. But if you can find more time then I strongly encourage you to take on something new, or something old that you haven't done in a while. And again, it has to bring you joy. It can't be thought of a chore. But you do have to force yourself to do it. Sometimes, especially for women I think, it sometimes seems impossible to fit in this part of our lives. But if you do not have a chance to refresh then what good are you really putting out there into the world? What good are you to the people around you that need you if your well is constantly dry because you don't refill it? Hit your reset button, make some time and find something to do. Or allow yourself to do nothing if that is what your situation calls for.
Step 8: Spend Time With Like-Minded People! Try to find people that are like you. That have the same goals as you. That feel the same way about some things that are of importance to you. Even if you join some chat group online, as long as it's a positive group of course. When we walk around, as many of us do, feeling like we are different and there is no one else like us, that's hard and it's depressing. There are people like you but sometimes you need to put in a little effort and find them. Sometimes just surrounding yourself by the right people is the key ingredient to making everything else work! It's so helpful to know you are not alone in this world. Everyone needs some sense of camaraderie to help feel like they belong. You are no exception to the rule.
Step 9: Out With The Old And In With The New! Here's the part where you get rid of everything in your life that is not serving your greatest good. Remember, I told you in the beginning of this blog that this was not an easy process. Now you need to go through everything and everyone in your life and figure out if their existence is serving your well being. Don't worry I am going to elaborate. Look at where you live. Is there clutter everywhere? How about your car? Your closet? Under your bed where you sleep? Physical clutter actually clutters our brains and makes it virtually impossible to think straight. Clean it up. Clean it all up. Bag by bag out to the trash! You can't possibly have a new mind if there is no room for it. Create an environment that helps you flow. Move some furniture around if you must. Sometimes that's all we need to make us feel like we are somewhere new. Now look at your job. Now I realize you most likely cannot just up and quit. But if your job is making you completely miserable, it wouldn't hurt to broaden your horizons and see what else is out there. Maybe it's time for you to change course completely. Now is the time to start thinking about that if the job is an issue for you. And don't say there is no time to find anything else or start something new. Again, there will never be time unless you make it. If you want something bad enough, there is nothing that will get in your way or stop you. People do it all the time. Why can't it be you? Instead of listing all the reasons why you "can't", think of all the reasons why you "CAN" and why you should!
And now the most difficult. You are going to have to evaluate the people in your life. Notice how they make you feel when you are around them or when you speak to them. We are all made up of energy and that energy is contagious. If someone is filled with negativity, that energy is most likely attaching itself to you when you are in contact. You may have to learn to keep some people at arms length, and when it is necessary for you to be around them, you will have to literally protect your energy and block them out. And this is simple. You picture yourself surrounded in white light with the intention that no one else's energy will affect you. AND SO IT IS! You will notice the difference. And some people, and you will know who they are if they exist in your life, you may just have to walk away from completely. Now please do not misunderstand me, I am in no way urging you to get a divorce or disown your parents or cousins or something like that. Those things only you can decide. Like I said, you CAN protect your energy if there are certain people you need to be around. Not everyone can be avoided lol. But sometimes we need to make sure everyone is in there perspective places. Just like we need to have our "things" in perfect alignment, our "people" need to be in perfect alignment also. Unfortunately, there are times when it is time to part ways with people in our lives. But this doesn't need to be a bad thing. It should only be done if it is going to be a positive move in the long run. But that is for you to decide. I am just putting it out there as food for thought in case it pertains.
Any kind of change is scary. Because change means not knowing what the future will be like. Sometimes it is "easier" to stay in situations because we are used to them and because we know what to expect. But remember this, it doesn't need to be that hard. Sometimes the unknown is an amazing experience because you get to rewrite your entire script. You get to start fresh. You get a do-over! You are allowed to stand up for yourself. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to live your life the way you see fit and live by your own morals and standards. You need to be free to be the beautiful soul you are. The only opinion of you that should matter is the opinion you hold of yourself. So stop surrounding yourself by all the people that think they know it all and that think they have all the answers to doing it better. You deserve greatness. So make sure that is what you are getting. And sometimes this step is as easy as taking the stairs instead of the elevator in order to not be in a certain persons energy space. Or talking to someone once a week instead of 4 times a week. Sometimes there are very simple solutions. I just don't want you to make this step out to be any more than it necessarily has to be. You will know if drastic moves are necessary. You don't need me to tell you that. Always trust your instincts. They know where to guide you.
Step 10: Re-train Your Brain!!! I put this at the end so it would stick out in your head as important, but this is actually a step for you to start immediately!! You have to actually start paying attention to your thoughts! Start catching those negative and toxic thoughts in the process and force yourself to replace it with a positive thought. And just like I was saying before, fake it till you make it!! It took your brain how long to believe all the toxic "stuff"? So give yourself a chance to desensitize and start relearning a new reality. Because that's exactly what this is. You are relearning everything about yourself. You are giving yourself a brand new reality. Once your brain hears the positive words enough, it will start to catch on. In the beginning this is pretty challenging, and I'm being nice about that lol, but once you start getting in the habit, you will actually realize that you aren't thinking as negatively as you originally were!! And you will be shocked in the beginning by how many toxic thoughts are actually taking up residence in your mind! When you start seeing that, it will be of no wonder to you why you have been the way you have been. How could you not, when your whole day is spent with these fleeting negative based thoughts!
What exactly is a negative based thought? It is any thought that is unable to manifest into something positive. This includes fear, worry, and anxiety. While going through this journey, you need to remember and truly inhale the knowing that everything always happens exactly as it is supposed to. There are no mistakes, only lessons learned. There is a lesson in every experience you will ever have. You need to also understand that our thoughts create our reality. And you will gradually notice this more as you go through the steps and really start to take this all in. The better you feel about yourself and the more positive your thoughts are, the more positive your experiences will be. You will actually prove this fact to yourself simply by living it. We attract to us the things that are on our minds the most. Because we are all energy, when you spend a significant amount of time on one area, that is going to be what finds its way to you. This is why re-training your brain is so important. If you are worried all the time, you are going to inadvertently create situations for yourself that will only give you more reason to worry. And if you spend most of your time in fear, chances are, those are the events that will take place in your life. Again, the goal here is positive thinking. Our brain is quite amazing. It is completely capable of relearning information. You can do this. Actually, the transformation is pretty impressive. Because one day you are just going to realize that you are feeling so much better and you are thinking so much different and you really aren't putting in as much effort as you were. It is quite an "Ah Ha" moment and I promise you that you will love that moment when it comes. And it will come.
This step is the step that never ends. You will take this with you your entire life. None of us will ever be perfect. But we CAN be the perfect version of ourselves! Sometimes something is going to get you down. And at some point you are going to be down and you are going to realize how quickly and almost effortlessly you got back up and your face will be blessed with one of the biggest smiles it has ever seen! And other times, things will affect you a little deeper. That's ok too. Because at that point you will have the to tools to get back up. It's also important to honor your feelings. You need to go through what you need to go through to be able to process your current situation. You should never just stick your issues on a shelf and wait for the shelf to give out and everything falls on top of you all at once. Know that you are entitled to your feelings. Process them. Understand why you feel the way you feel. Acknowledge what you have just been through. And then put it all in perspective with your new tools and keep on going. It's not how many times you get knocked down that you should be keeping track of. It's how many times you get back up! It's how many times you face your fears and conquer them! Pay attention to your milestones. Take time to notice your journey unfold. Take a second to think about where you were and where you are and be proud of that. That is YOUR hard work and you deserve to revel in every moment of its glory. The more you fill your mind with positives, the easier it all becomes.
Step 11: Use Affirmations! I know some people may think affirmations are corny but they really aren't. They aid tremendously in re-training your brain. Why wait for a negative thought to seep in before you tell yourself something wonderful about yourself. Think about what some of your key areas of self improvement may be and make an affirmation for it and say it several times through out the day, in the mirror if you can. Especially first thing in the morning and right before you go to sleep at night. If you don't have a mirror handy that's ok. I find it to be more powerful when you are looking yourself in the face but it isn't exactly necessary in order for affirmations to be effective. "I am loveable!" "I am successful!" "I am perfectly at peace!" Those are just some simple example affirmations. If you need help creating yours, I'd be more than happy to help personally. I have an affirmation page on my website also that you can refer to or you can google "affirmations" and you will get numerous pages filled with them. Louise Hay is awesome when it comes to affirmations, so I would definitely look her up. This is yet another step you can keep secret too if you don't want anyone to know you are saying "silly" affirmations throughout your day. This is your journey, it's no ones business what you are doing unless you make it their business. But again, this step is very beneficial to re-training your brain to think positive.
STEP 12: FORGIVE, LET IT GO, HAVE FAITH AND NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! Everyone is on their journey, just like you. We all pretty much do the best we can at the time we are doing something. So remember to always forgive, forgive others and forgive yourself. Consider it all a lesson learned and let it go. You do not need to carry around all that excess luggage with you. We never forgive to set other people free, we forgive to set ourselves free. And that is what this process here is all about. Life will twist and turn and it will take you on a rollercoaster ride, but you can only go astray if you allow yourself to. You are in complete control of your destiny. No one can steer your life's wheel except you! Everything you need you have inside you. Now it's time to remember how to use it. No matter difficult this journey gets, always remember to HAVE FAITH! Without it, it is so easy to lose everything we work so hard for. Continue to pray. Continue to meditate to be able to clearly hear your answers. Please remember that you are never alone. All you need to do is look up and ask for help, and He will make sure it is given to you. We were born with all this magic inside us and then as we get older, we start hearing the words that harm us and we change. Now it's time to change back. You are amazing and you are deserving off all the miracles this life has to offer. Do not let anyone tell you different. Just go with the flow, forgive and let go, keep your head up, stay surrounded by beauty, always keep your faith, remember everything has its purpose and ALL IS WELL...
Good luck on your journey my loves.. Stay positive. You know where to find me if you need me.
And as always,
Blessings, my deepest love, and lots of light to all of you...